|
|
THE INDEPENDENT WRITER
Jim Ippolito |
|
|
|
|
| CURIOUS CAT
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| That's what I am, a curious cat. I like to know about things. Not the private matters of private citizens though. I'm interested in the goings on of our elected officials and other more important matters such as; where do you put a shower, once you've taken it? Hopefully someday someone will provide an answer.
If you like answers then this may not be the page for you, but if you like questions then stay tuned for more. Thanks
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| RELIGIOUS THEME PARK
Recently, the Wrong Reverend Pat Robertson made another misstep, when he announced to the world that Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's stroke came about because he pissed off God by giving away some of Jesus' real estate.
In retaliation, the Israeli's hit back at Robertson in the only way that matters to the Miscreant Minister, by denying him a chance at making money, in the Holy Land.
Pompous Pat wanted to build a religious theme park there and the Lord's Chosen People yanked his ticket.
That led me to wonder about what exactly would a religious theme park contain?
I'm sure it will have loads of souvenir shops selling bibles, and crosses, and everything else necessary to attend a KKK rally.
I wonder if they would have logo clothing? I guess they would sell hooded robes, again, a staple of KKKers.
I can envision the snack bars fashioned after altars, staffed by blissed out kids attired in dashing all black preacher type suits, selling cross shaped pretzels and fries.
I guess there would be cold cuts and burgers served on manna, and instead of super sizing your fare, for an additional "donation," it would be called "multiplying," as in the story of the loaves and fishes.
Michael Jackson’s favorite beverage, Jesus juice, would be available through a trick device that would accept water, and dispense wine.
There has to be attractions other than non-stop sermonizing through a public address system. My hunch is that there would be an awesome rollercoaster called "The Holy Christ," that would cause one to soil his or her undies, and then seek redemption for their sins through cash donations made to park wandering clergymen.
Mary Magdeleine's, "Tunnel Of Love," would be a big money maker, as would a "John The Baptist" waterslide.
No theme park is complete without miniature golf and I suppose the hazards would be comprised of various animated devil creatures running about the course.
I'm sure a "Dunk Judas" tank would rake in the bucks.
Of course there would have to be some form of adult entertainment for the intellectual set that such a place would attract.
A reenactment of the trial of Jesus, and the crucifixion seems appropriate, and a play called "A Night In Gethsemane," featuring readings of the Psalms, should provide for a rollicking good time.
Damn, I hope they build one in Vegas! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| CONGRESS ON STEROIDS
What the hell is going on in our country?
On the International scene we’re at war in Iraq. We’re occupying Afghanistan. We’re hinting at kicking ass in Syria and Iran. We’re playing nuclear Russian roulette with North Korea, a country with whom we’re still technically at war, while shipping them food.
And of course our ally/enemy, Russia, and it’s not to be trusted President Putin, is still a nuclear thorn in our side, while we allow hordes of their Russian mafia scum to emigrate here.
Domestically, we have a southern border more porous than Swiss cheese. Corporate America is shipping jobs overseas faster than the Space Shuttle used to go. 45 million Americans are without health insurance. Our infrastructure is crumbling, but we spent 50 million bucks to “study” the Iraqi postal system, while my mail is delivered later and later every day. Our schools suck.
And the President is on the road, a la Carnivale, trying to convince people that the Social Security system would get “fixed” if we follow lunatic Alan Greenspan’s suggestion to donate about 4% of it every year to his Wall Street cronies so they can further pad their pockets.
So what is Congress up to amidst all this?
They’re busy subpoenaing Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, Rafael Palmiero and company to ask them how they built up their muscles.
Holy mother of god! Take me out to the bore game.
Yep, congress wants to know about steroid use, or as athletes call them, “performance enhancing supplements.”
I mean, who gives a shit, and why? Don’t give that athlete as role model bullshit either. These guys are mercenary entertainers, plain and simple. Parents, teachers, cops, are role models, at 2% the cost.
Yeah I know, they dragged out the guy whose teen-age son apparently met an early death as a result of steroid use, and had him relate his tale of woe before congress.
You know what? Teenagers do lots of ill-advised things, they always did, and their parents are constantly looking for someone to put on a guilt trip.
Instead of playing games with these tin god, overgrown little-leaguers congress should investigate why a third-rate hotdog, that tastes as if it were shot out of a yak’s ass, costs 5 bucks at the ballpark.
Illegal drug use of any kind is a concern for all of us, but congress taking up the issue? C’mon.
Even the extreme Right Wing Conservative, Republican, Christian, Bush supporter loonies have had enough.
Just today I heard one of them on TV say that Congress needs to get back to real important, oh wait, he was a Southerner, so that’s impotent issues. He said:
“It’s time for Congress to turn its attention to the real problems facing America, gays, the right to display the Ten Commandments on and in public buildings, getting rid of abortion, and allowing prayer in public schools.”
Is anyone out there still wondering why our country is in trouble? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Life Is Moving Too Fast
Thanksgiving just passed; the retailers have been promoting it since just before Halloween.
The news reports were rife with stories about people spending the day shopping for Christmas in order to beat the usual “Black Friday” rush.
So Thanksgiving has degenerated into nothing more than a preparatory day for Christmas.
What about Christmas? The retailers have been promoting it for quite a while. Every year the electric shaver, and jeans commercials start hitting the airwaves a bit sooner, a sure sign that Christmas is just 3 months off.
Ever see a commercial for electric shavers or jeans at any other time of year? And by the way, I see plenty of jeans but how many guys do you know that use electric shavers?
There must be tons of new electric shavers stuffed into closets and drawers.
All of this is to be expected, after all retailers need lead-time. The part of the holiday season I like best is when the TV prognosticators start making predictions about how much stuff will be sold. I love watching the anxious Wall Street types wring their hands while explaining that people don’t buy more because they don’t have enough money. What genius, what acumen these Harvard Business School graduates possess! I mean really, whoda thunk?
Everything is moving too fast. The 2006 car models will be announced in February of 2005. The baseball season will start in April, and 3 games into the season the announcers will begin talking about the playoffs.
Around May the TV networks will start advertising their Fall lineup, as if you’re supposed to tune to a certain channel and sit in front of the TV and wait for the start of some nonsense show entitled, “Faithful Wives And Their Vibrators,” or, “The Battle Of The CSI Shows, Who Can Find The Most Semen?”
And, let’s not forget that somewhere amidst all this, NBC will announce that they bought the rights to the 3032 Olympics for 762 trillion dollars and 31 cents, host country TBA.
The thing that really gets me though is all the hype about the 2008 Presidential election, as if it’s going to be held within 3 months.
Since the day after election 2004, the hair-chested attorney/Right Wing Loonie/author/self-promoter extraordinaire, Anne Coulter, has already written 12 books about the next Presidential election, while getting her daily testosterone injections.
The Republicans have already started their smear campaign about their most feared adversary, a woman with brains.
“Go on y’all, vote for that Hillary woman, all y’alls is gonna git is another Clinton.” Of course they’d be right for a change.
The advent of the 24-hour TV news station has turned what used to be news into nothing more than entertainment.
Rather than report the news we now have nothing more than talk shows featuring every possible political has been, or never was, spouting opinions in order to fill the schedule.
Whoever invents a cure for diarrhea of the mouth will make a fortune.
Instead of following all the news that people should be concerned about only the hottest topics are covered, such as high profile lawsuits, our celebrity lunatics, such as John Hinckley, and politics.
Instead of objective reporting we are fed highly editorialized coverage designed to create controversy.
All we ever hear about regarding politics is who’s running for reelection, etc, etc, etc.
The Republicans talk about having a permanent majority in Washington, and the Democrats talk about preventing it, but none of them talk about what good they plan to do.
No one talks about what their Party intends to do for the people, and God forbid any legislator talks about bipartisan efforts to improve the country. It’s all about winning elections and keeping a particular Party in power.
Politics are now akin to sports leagues where the object is to win while entertaining the fans. At least that’s what sports are all about.
Politicians on the other hand have narrowed their job description down to one task, being elected, again and again, and again.
It’s time to end that and make these people do something other than advance their own, and their Party’s goal of simply being in office. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
IRAQNAM
The Presidential election is just around the corner.
If you turn on the TV all you hear about is Iraq, Vietnam, and Gay marriage.
At least there is one domestic issue being addressed by our politicians, even if it is frivolous by comparison to the other issues facing our country. Why don’t people grow up and stop worrying about preserving the “sanctity” of marriage, as if every married person is a saint?
Let Gays get married. The only people who are opposed to it are the dumb, the self-proclaimed “people of faith,” same thing usually, and, here we go, Corporate America.
Why Corporate America? Because fringe benefits would have to be extended to the spouses of same sex couples. Take that requirement away, and Corporate America wouldn’t care less about who screws whom.
I’m sick of Iraq, and I’m even sicker of hearing about Vietnam. Naturally I’m concerned about the fate of our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan. I stop short, however, of saying I’m against the war lest the White House spokespersons accuse me of being a traitor for daring to be concerned about mere American lives.
So, how about our domestic issues? I’m talking about education, law enforcement and emergency services, medical care, illegal immigration problems, the disposal of nuclear waste and the environment in general, the failing infrastructure, the jobless rate, an inequitable tax code, outsourcing, and most important, why the hell McDonalds’ coffee is still too damn hot!
Why is our President referred to as “The Leader Of The Free World?” Do you give a shit about leading the free world, and if so, why? Do you really think that everyone in the world should think like the average American? If so, you possess arrogance and ignorance in vast quantities.
Where do we go next to “kick ass,” the preferred expression used by the pickup truck set to describe foreign diplomacy? How about The Sudan? Trouble is brewing there. Shouldn’t we go there and teach these people how to think and live?
Who the hell do the Sudanese think they are anyway? How dare them not drive mammoth SUV’s while watching their in-dash DVD player, drinking a Starbucks and bullshitting to another loser on a cell phone?
Yeah, these people need an attitude adjustment; let’s straighten out their narrow asses.
But the real issue is what are Halliburton’s plans for The Sudan? Perhaps we should inquire of their executives as to just what instructions they intend to issue to Dick Cheney for implementation by his sock puppet, President Bush.
Plenty of countries are screwed up, but plenty of countries have their act together too. We seem to vacillate between the two groups, but let’s face it; we aren’t too tightly wrapped these days.
How come we don’t ask Switzerland’s leadership how they manage to stay out of conflict and still thrive economically? I guess that would be akin to admitting that Americans aren’t perfect, including the guys sleeping on the streets while pissing themselves, and our hordes of 13-year-old, Ritalin ingesting moms.
The President smiles at his disciples and announces that it’s a great thing that Iraq had an Olympic Soccer team that was not subjected to the application of cattle prods by Saddam’s spawn, Uday and Qusay. He smiles even broader and states that Afghanistan is having free elections, just like in baby brother Jeb’s Principality of Florida.
That’s nice, and so is a chocolate sundae, but that doesn’t help resolve America’s social or economic problems either.
|
|
|
|
Every damn thing on this website is copyright 2003-2008 ©Jim Ippolito All rights reserved
|
